Reflection 

When first receiving the critical research analysis assignment, I was lost and confused and had no idea what to do. As I read the topics, none of them stood out to me in a way in which I can understand it. I asked my colleagues on what topic they were doing, they gave me the same puzzled face that I had when I first read the topics. After researching each prompt, I finalized my choice with the third prompt and was going to discuss the critique of society through the examples of “The Bluest Eye” and Sigmund Freud’s lectures. 

Throughout completing the essay, I struggled in several ways. I needed to present an argument with research and support from Freud’s lectures. I used the story of “The Bluest Eye” because it focused on aspects of society compared to the other stories that our professor made us read. Since the story had ideas of racism and woman in it, my interest was of the story increased because of the infamous topics presented. Despite the story’s length, I viewed many ideas in the story that focused on society being critiqued through the main characters Pecola and Claudia. I wanted to present an argument to my professors reading, of how racism and beauty standards affected colored females in society. This type of essay made me dig deeper into my ideas and analyze them to the fullest, simply because I have never done an essay that was similar to this. As I read “The Bluest Eye”, I made sure to point out all the areas where the main characters were affected by the beauty standards of their society and how they think differently of themselves. Knowing that my audience was my professors, I analyzed the text and its ideas being displayed rather than just simply summarizing it. This essay made me as a writer go into my opinions and use that as a way to be descriptive of the ideas I wanted to talk about. I was a little bias, simply because of when this story was made and how the problems between colored and whites did have an effect on my story. I also had to use outside sources in this paper. My college of CCNY came to the rescue with jstor.org. This website had advanced searches of databases that helped me find exactly what I needed to use to support my argument. The whole process of this essay was not easy at all. I had tutors who never showed up, my professors were the ones who helped me more than anything. In the end, when I hit the submit button to hand in the essay, it felt good because I took my time to do the essay and I felt like it was worth it. Through hard work, surely comes ease, and I felt proud of myself.

Evaluation Upon the People

Sexual harassment and racial discrimination were problems that were dealt with by people of color throughout the 20th century. These conflicts happened more with women, simply because women had a status difference from men during this period. Women were mostly targeted simply to dis-empower them in society, such as staying home, not working, and becoming a restrained housewife. Sigmund Freud explains the reaction to these assaults in “Five Lectures of Psychoanalysis”. Through a thorough explanation of condensation and displacement by Sigmund Freud, Toni Morrison in “The Bluest Eye”, portrays how colored women view white beauty standards through jealousy and hatred, and leads to an obsession thereof.

In “The Bluest Eye,” a light skin girl named Maureen Paul attends a colored school and becomes popular because of her appearance and the number of different traits she has; as her popularity increases, a connection with one of Freud’s dream-work terms, condensation, is made. Claudia and her school notice a new girl and many reactions are sparked by the difference in the image of students; Claudia, as a result, develops many types of questions and emotions in her head. As Claudia and Freida were walking down the hallway, they were discussing how Maureen differentiates from Claudia and Frieda. For example,  “She was rich, at least by our standards…, there was a hint of spring in her sloe green eyes, something summery in her complexion, and a rich autumn ripeness in her walk” (Morrison 62). As Freud says, “Condensation is caused by the combination of several themes or ideas into one dream symbol” (Freud 2224). Freud proposes that a large number of displaced concepts are reduced and condensed into one unified symbol. Morrison conveys that Freida and Claudia are surprised and have a mixture of shocked feelings due to what they are seeing in their school. Such a difference hasn’t been noticed because the school isn’t mixed, it is a colored based school. In a school of colored students, Maureen is there, standing out, with her rich aspects. This leads to her becoming popular in the school because no one is like her. Maureen differentiates from everybody because she symbolizes a different kind of black family; the upwardly mobile, light-skinned African American that disdains darker-skinned black people. Everything about Maureen was different, her rich clothes, her “fastidious” lunches, no one in the school was similar to her. “When she was assigned a locker next to mine, I could indulge my jealousy four times a day” (Morrison 63). A perfect example of how Morrison nails just how perversely pleasurable jealousy can be. Claudia develops feelings of jealousy and insecurity through the experience of viewing what Maureen has that she doesn’t. Since Maureen is “rich and white”, she has more privileges than Claudia. According to the article, “Hey Girl, Am I More than My Hair?” by Tracey Owens Patton, Patton argues how the beauty standards between blacks and whites originated from the history between the two. For example, Patton’s quotes, “Since 1619, African American women and their beauty have been juxtaposed against White beauty standards, particularly pertaining to their skin color and hair” (Pattons 26). Given how the past was and the number of problems there were between blacks and whites, colored people always were viewed as the minor towards everything, including beauty standards. This jealousy that colored people started to develop came from how society differentiated colored females from white females. In the same article, Patton also states that “Beauty is subject to the hegemonic standards of the ruling class” (Patton’s 25).  To take a case in point, Parton argues that wherever beauty is, that’s where the ruling class is. Throughout history, we view white people in a higher power compared to colored people, especially through slavery. Therefore, white female’s standards of beauty were much higher compared to colored. This made black women develop feelings of anger and jealousy because they feel as if they will never be on a similar level and be equal to the high standards white females have. 

Claudia goes through a stage of displacement when her anger and jealousy are directed toward a blue-eyed doll that she receives for Christmas, which stemmed from her disdain of white beauty standards, of which Maureen represented in her life. Mrs. Breedlove, her mother, for instance, gifts her daughter, Claudia, a “big blue-eyed baby doll”, in which Claudia developed a hatred for it. Claudia was confused about what she wanted to do with it. However as time went on, Claudia started questioning the attributes of this doll and why every child wanted it and was so comfortable with it. For instance, “I had only one desire: to dismember it. To see what it was made, to discover the dearness, to find the beauty, the desirability that had escaped me, but apparently only me” (Morrison 20). Claudia’s only desire is to dismember the doll to understand what makes them so desirable to those around her. Claudia displaces the thoughts of having hatred towards little white girls. She displaces the hatred and conflicts the pain on the doll. In Freud’s view, displacement is an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind substitutes either a new aim or a new object for goals felt in their original form to be dangerous or unacceptable (Freud 2223). It is a shift in focus of emotional intensity to something more acceptable. Claudia displaces her negative energy on the little girls who want/have these dolls because of how society views all little girls wanting similar dolls. Claudia does not want to be like them, therefore, she has a difficult time with the dolls and her emotions. However, despite all this, this urge to dismember dolls transforms into a desire to harm little white girls. Claudia explains that she feels guilty about these urges, so she hides them behind a fabricated love for Shirley Temple. According to the story, “I learned much later to worship her, just as I learned to delight in cleanliness…, that the change was an adjustment without improvement” (Morrison 23). To counteract the hate Claudia had, she starts looking up to Shirley Temple and starts to follow her as a role model. At first, Claudia does not feel the same affection for Shirley Temple, but over time, she also becomes obsessed with white culture. Through the guilt in dolls, she has a false love for Shirley Temple, which eventually leads to an obsession with the thing she originally wanted to destroy. This process depicts the way black hatred of white cultural oppression and beauty standards can result in black obsession with white culture. For instance, in the article, “They Treated Me Like A Geography Lesson” by Nancy K. Cardona, Cardona argues on how beauty affects all women, despite whatever the race may be. For example, “Beauty affects all women, regardless of age, race, creed or color” (Cardona 13). In comparison to others, Claudia and all those who do not fit the definition of beautiful is treated as an aberration. Using this standard, society punishes people for innate traits over which they have no control. 

To sum up, in America, appearance is everything. Due to not being able to live to the highest standards, colored women develop feelings that display how they feel like a woman. Claudia is an example of a character where she develops feelings of not fitting in her society and questions herself as an individual. This caused Claudia to develop feelings of condensation and displacement due to what she’s seen as what high standards are in society. Claudia questioned on what traits Maureen has that she doesn’t. She also had hate for little girls who liked dolls, but later on, she starts to look up to Shirley Temple. Claudia’s life was turned around when she started to look up to Shirley Temple and wanted to be a female just like her. In general, it can show how difficult life was for Claudia and she has changed due to what she’s seen as she progressed as an individual.

Exploratory Essay Reflection 

For my exploratory/ expository essay, I chose to discuss the short story, “It Was A Different Day When They Killed The Pig” by João Ubaldo Ribeiro. While reading, I noticed that there were many questionable parts of this story. The main character Aloisio goes through phases on how he feels about his family tradition of killing a pig. Something I can relate to, not being able to do something because I am too scared to do it, been there done that. The purpose of this essay was to explore and illustrate one or more of the psychoanalytic concepts by Sigmund Freud. For the context, I used examples from the short story “It Was A Different Day When They Killed The Pig”, and from Freud’s “Five Lectures on Psychoanalysis”. After reading the story a few times, the two ideas that were visible were repression and wishful impulse. 

In the story, Aloisio lacked his father’s attention. He noticed that his sisters always received more attention and wanted to do anything to get that attention. He sacrificed his feelings and kept quiet during the tradition in order for his father to give him attention as well. Aloisio watched the tradition the whole time despite it bothering him immensely, so he can create a greater connection with his father. All of this relates to concepts discussed by Freud. The purpose was to use those details and connect them to Freudian concepts, which I was able to do after reading the story 4-5 times. 

However, I did have difficulties writing. As for the audience, my professors, professor Yankwitt knows the story and Freud, whereas professor Von Uhl does not know anything. My job is to explain the details and Freudian concepts in a transitional flow so my audience can understand. I am not supposed to summarize either. My main problem with writing essays is that I summarize a lot. As for the audience, they don’t want a summary, they want a flow in which they understand as they read and that they do not get bored while reading. I had to rewrite my essay because I couldn’t relate the details to Freudian concepts and prove how they connected. I wrote on paper about some details to make sure that I was keeping a balance between analyzing and connecting, not just summarizing. Another problem I have is repetition while analyzing. Sometimes, I run out of ideas and I tend to reword previous sentences thinking I can write it differently, but actually, it is a waste of words and space, and it makes nothing better for the reader/audience. I went to the writing center and also checked with my tutor about my essay. I made many mistakes and it made me end up rewriting the essay. However, I am confident that my final essay is way better and improved than any other essay I’ve written for FIQWS.

Reflection 
Throughout the literacy narrative, I had a bunch of struggles on how I would write the essay. The essay’s topic was to explain how we felt about the image Charcot, “A Clinical Lesson at the Salpetriere.” At first, I imagined a bunch of emotions and thoughts as I was studying the image. I felt angry and uncomfortable by the way the men were looking at the women. However, I was struggling to put my emotions into words. While I was writing my first draft, I started off writing about the image and then I went to how men were greater than women. That was completely off topic, I went from talking about my emotions to talking about the rights for women. I was completely wrong with my essay and I sure needed help. I went to the writing center, where a teacher analyzed my essay. They told me since the essay was about your emotions, why not be a little personal with it. So I used that idea to bring in my religion and compare the image we were studying to the religion I follow. My professor said I can go in depth talking about it because it was all about my emotions. I changed my whole essay compared to the first draft. I learned how to analyze better and also learned how to compare using rhetorical devices. After writing my second draft, I felt confident that it was a good paper, because I changed and analyzed the task even more. The days kept going, more discussions happened in class, which helped me think more about my piece. At the end, I wrote it more confidently than my first draft. With my first draft, I was repetitive and unsure.

 In my FIQWS Composition class, my professor wanted the class to create a portfolio website. When she gave more details on the assignment, I became so confused. I’ve never created a website before. I had an idea on how to write reflections because of the previous papers I have submitted had a reflection attached to them. I did not understand the CUNY Academics Commons. I enjoyed making the website because I got to customize it the way I wanted. This course helped refine my capacity to have the option to discover hotspots for my Exploratory Essay and my Researched Critical paper. We had two meetings to CCNY library, where we were acquainted with the online database accessible at City College and given tips on the best way to limit look to discover applicable scholarly sources. These excursions were exceptionally useful since I was new to the design of the online database. I’ve worked with an online database previously, however it had restricted assets. I began simply composing in my pursuit terms into Academic One Search yet didn’t give me any investigations or diary articles. The best way to conquer this hindrance was to refine which database I was working with and found that JSTOR gave the most pertinent sources to my subject. 

The Literacy Narrative gave me more opportunity to compose imaginatively as I was attempting to portray how my otherworldliness assumed a job in my scholarly life. I had the option to use the same number of bright enlightening words that were intended to bring out feeling on the pursuer’s end. I discussed my feelings in depth throughout the Literacy Narrative paper. Then again, the Exploratory Essay required a careful target tone. I intended to show my sources in an unprejudiced way. This implied I needed to utilize dynamic composition, as opposed to uninvolved and utilize a sensible request to exhibit the consequences of the examinations from my sources. In this paper, I additionally worked on utilizing legitimate in-content references. I was new to MLA in-content reference so this was an excellent learning experience for me. To stay away from copyright infringement, I needed to guarantee that the thoughts that were not initially mine were appropriately referred to recognize the creators who have added to the field of research. When I needed to compose my Critical Research Analysis, I was at that point acquainted with referring to my sources, which encouraged the composing procedure. This last paper was intriguing to compose because I was utilizing a target tone yet additionally an emotional one to have the option to make a case about my point. With enough practice, I had the option to adequately contend my case by utilizing the entirety of the composting methods that we have learned preceding composing the exposition. 

In the wake of composing each paper, I composed a reflection on the composing procedure, just as the article itself. In every reflection, I figured out how to distinguish key components in connection to my article, for example, the class, the rhetorical moves, the audience, etc. I was just acquainted with the target group part of the article toward the beginning of this course and had a swoon thought of different terms. Be that as it may, with every reflection, I turned out to be increasingly OK with utilizing these terms and recognizing these components in my exposition. Since these things were unfamiliar to me this semester, I feel that I currently have gotten settled enough to consolidate them into my composing procedure later on.

Finally, I need to give a colossal holler to my professor for showing me the educational plan and what it needs to acquire a dedicated evaluation. All through each exposition and different assignments, I battled with every one of them. I made some troublesome memories on how I would build up my proposal or it would be on how I wouldn’t have the option to compose the body sections of my paper. Be that as it may, I need to thank the educator for staying additional time and bailing me out and coming in when they didn’t work, all only for additional help. Everything that I learned in my FIQWS Composition class, really improved me as a writer. I found out about the logical circumstance and how to apply it to my papers. I figured out how to discover outside sources, and refer to appropriately. Every one of the worksheets and assignments reinforced my composing aptitudes. As I’m composing this paper, I feel sad that this class is finishing. I’m truly going to miss my professor and class a great deal.

Mahir Rahman

Hidden from Family Tradition

Joao Ubaldo Ribeiro discusses in “It Was A Different Day When They Killed the Pig” about a family’s tradition of killing a pig, and how their son, Aloisio, is affected emotionally through the killing. Aloisio is depended on by his family, to kill a pig one day but his emotions and feelings weaken him into doing so. In the story, “It Was a Different Day When They Killed the Pig”, Freud’s concepts of wishful impulse and infantile sexuality are displayed through the change in the behavior of the main character, Aloisio due to his family’s yearly tradition of killing a pig. These two ideas of Freud are expressed in Aloisio’s change from being a child into an adult. 

Aloisio wants to confront his father and question him about the traditions of killing pigs,  however, he is scared of his father’s reactions and develops this concept by Freud called “wishful impulse”. The story shows a good relationship between the father and son, but Aloisio tends to questions his father’s tradition. Freud quotes that “Wishful impulses…, without them the reaction to later traumas would have taken a normal course” (Freud 2228). By hiding your thoughts in the present, you are making benefits for it at the same time. In the story,  it says “But did not dare ask the father why he was going to do that, not so much because he was afraid the father would be angry”(Ribeiro 188). Aloisio developed many questions in his mind, however, they were all pushed back because of him thinking how his father would respond. These actions result in another Freud concept called repression.  In Freud’s second lecture, he explains that during the repression, “we’re now offering opposition to the forgotten material’s being made conscious, must formerly have brought about the forgetting and must have pushed the pathogenic experiences in question out of conscious” (Freud 2212). This process of repression is similar to what the main character Aloisio was going through. In the process of killing a pig, Aloisio goes through intense emotions of fear and acts of repression to control his traumatic experience. Aloisio witnesses his father killing a pig, however, the whole time he is looking at the eyes of the pig. Aloisio develops emotions where he starts feeling bad for the pig and ends up crying. These emotions built up into fear and Aloisio wanted to hide from it, he uses “going to the bathroom” as a way to hide from these fearful emotions. In the story, it says, “But he could not keep himself from feeling an immense fear when after all the preparations and rites he had never imagined” (Ribeiro 190). Aloisio wanted to isolate himself from these things his father does. These feelings build-up, but are unable to be expressed emotionally. They need an outlet to be released but are expressed physically.

Similar to wishful impulse, Freud’s concept of infantile sexuality is also displayed in the story. In the story, Aloisio watches his father kill the sow Noca. If Aloisio showed emotion,  then that was considered a sign of weakness. As Aloisio’s says, “If it was me, Aloisio thought, people would laugh” (Ribeiro 189). This would show to Aloisio’s parents that he is weak and he would not become a man because of these feelings. Aloisio wanted to prove to his parents that he would enter adulthood and become a man. In the story, it says, “But there were some children whose pig killers were their own fathers” (Ribeiro 187). This shows that children, mostly the sons, follow their father’s footsteps and will perform those acts when they are older. Due to his father being pig killers, Aloisio will eventually learn from the influence of their parents.  This connects to what Freud says in his lecture. Freud quotes “The child takes both of its parents, and more particularly one of them” (Freud 2232). This conveys that a child mostly follows one of the two parents. In this case, it is Aloisio trying to follow his father. In Aloisio’s mind, he wants to become a person who kills pigs as well, but he has repressed thoughts due to his fear. His fear is what builds his emotions and thoughts up to repression. During the process of killing a pig,  Aloisio forced himself to be there when actually he never wanted to be there. These emotions of Aloisio show that he is still a child and it would take him time to handle this situation. Aloisio was traumatized because of the killing and was on the verge of breaking down and never being able to stop crying. 

Ultimately, Freud’s concepts of wishful impulse and infantile sexuality are displayed entirely in “It Was a Different Day When They Killed the Pig”, through the change in Aloisio’s behavior.  He grew up watching his father kill the pig, but was never happy. Aloisio wanted to experience manhood so he could be worthy to his parents and society. He was willing to do anything, even watch the killing of the pig. Aloisio had a relationship with the sow Noca and it being killed traumatized him. The death of the sow Noca first exists in his conscious and then is repressed into the unconscious mind. Wishful impulse and repression are expressed in Aloisio by his change from being a child into an adult through the killing of the pig. Through Freud, nothing should be hidden, especially if it’s something about how you feel. Your life is depended on the decisions that you make and how you feel about certain things.

Mahir Rahman

A Women on Display

How would anyone feel, if there are a group of men studying a woman standing in front of a room, enduring her pain trying to find out what the problem is. The image of Charcot, “A Clinical Lesson at the Salpetriere” inspires many emotions and thoughts for me as I viewed it. In the image, there are a handful of men looking towards a woman who seems as if she is in a lot of pain. The men look as if something new is being discovered with the woman. These looks made me have an uncomfortable feeling because the men are looking at her like an exhibit rather than a person. 

While I first analyzed the image, my impression was not so good at first. Something that bothered me was the number of males compared to the number of females in the image. I was raised as a Muslin and born into the religion of Islam. In Islam, men are not suppose to be near women, unless they are related. I was raised into men and woen being serperated, so the image being viewed instantly reminded me of my religion and how that isn’t allowed in Islam. In my religion however, women are a big factor to success. Women brought up men to value. Every mother taught their children everyhting about Islam while the father was busy. I say this because of how the men are looking at the woman in the image. There is this strange and clueless look they make as they all are facing the front. At first, I thought the men were looking down at the woman, as if she wasn’t supposed to be there and etc. However, I had a change of thought and emotions. 

On further analyzations, my feelings evolved. I searched up the setting of the image and it took place at a university in France. I viewed the image a couple more times and I finally figured a scenario. The image probably displays, that a handful of students are being taught by a professor. They have this woman in the front, who probably is being tested on by the professor. The students are watching the professor as he is probably performing his experiment. The students in the room are making faces because they are learning and experiencing what their professor is teaching them. Back then, testing hypnosis on patients was a common thing. So it led me to the conclusion that the professor was doing hypnosis on his patient and showing his students on how to perform an learn from it. 

 In conclusion, my emotions throughout the image from beginning to end changed from one to another. At first, I felt very uncomfortable. But later on after doing some research, I didn’t feel that weird because the image spoke for itself and the setting that it was taken. It all makes sense. It was like I had different emotions going at war. However, I analyzed the image and found the right ways on how I felt about it.